Comfortable With Myself
Soon after meditating one recent evening, I had an “aha” moment - another realization of a seemingly obvious and simple life lesson that is really not so simple in practice. I realized that in large part, how I relate to other people and different situations depends on how I feel about myself at the time. How I live my life depends on how comfortable I am with myself.
This realization came about after I had meditated on my relationship with Bob, my boss/tentmate/coworker. I have recently become very frustrated with some of his personal traits and behaviors, and I have been looking inward to see if that frustration is perhaps a reflection of those same traits and behaviors in me. I decided to use the state of mindfulness that comes during meditation to help me toward discernment. I found much more than I expected.
During this meditation, I was able to let go of my frustration about Bob and his annoying behaviors and commit myself to practicing their “positive shadows.” For example, instead of being frustrated by his continually interrupting me, I can commit myself to attentively listening whenever he is talking. It’s “values judo” - although I cannot change the behavior of another person, I can control my reaction to that behavior and turn it into something positive. This meditation left me in a state of peace and contentment, feeling very comfortable in my mind and body.
As I transitioned mentally from the safe and pleasant realm of meditation into the uncertain reality of daily life, I realized that being comfortable with myself leads to accepting the actions of others and avoiding frustration. Being comfortable with myself allows me to be confident in any situation.
Unfortunately, being comfortable with myself is easier said than done, much like letting go of outcomes and expectations or being present. It’s another side of the same multi-faceted coin, and at the root of the other two: if I am comfortable with myself, I am much more likely to be able to live in the present moment; to focus on living my life as it is right now rather than dwelling on my expectations of the future; and to make relationships more important than issues.
My self-comfort also depends on how closely my perception of “who I am” matches my ideal of “who I think I ought to be.” The closer the two, the more comfortable I am with myself. However, when I base my image of “who I ought to be” on what other people expect rather than my own values, discomfort grows. When I let go of my concern with “what other people think” and focus on living my values, then I am comfortable with myself.
As I explore this idea of being comfortable with myself, I am reminded of wisdom I’ve learned from two UU ministers I respect very much: the ultimate requirement for effective ministry is to live an authentic life. Living an authentic life means accepting and celebrating my humanity and fallibility. It means facing the challenges of life rather than turning away. It means taking chances in my relationships with other people. It means having lots of questions as well as a few answers. Most of all, it means living every moment of an ordinary life in an extraordinary manner, rather than looking back after a lifetime of excitement and accomplishment, wondering “what did any of it mean?”
When I am comfortable with myself, I am living each extraordinary moment of an ordinary but authentic life.
This realization came about after I had meditated on my relationship with Bob, my boss/tentmate/coworker. I have recently become very frustrated with some of his personal traits and behaviors, and I have been looking inward to see if that frustration is perhaps a reflection of those same traits and behaviors in me. I decided to use the state of mindfulness that comes during meditation to help me toward discernment. I found much more than I expected.
During this meditation, I was able to let go of my frustration about Bob and his annoying behaviors and commit myself to practicing their “positive shadows.” For example, instead of being frustrated by his continually interrupting me, I can commit myself to attentively listening whenever he is talking. It’s “values judo” - although I cannot change the behavior of another person, I can control my reaction to that behavior and turn it into something positive. This meditation left me in a state of peace and contentment, feeling very comfortable in my mind and body.
As I transitioned mentally from the safe and pleasant realm of meditation into the uncertain reality of daily life, I realized that being comfortable with myself leads to accepting the actions of others and avoiding frustration. Being comfortable with myself allows me to be confident in any situation.
Unfortunately, being comfortable with myself is easier said than done, much like letting go of outcomes and expectations or being present. It’s another side of the same multi-faceted coin, and at the root of the other two: if I am comfortable with myself, I am much more likely to be able to live in the present moment; to focus on living my life as it is right now rather than dwelling on my expectations of the future; and to make relationships more important than issues.
My self-comfort also depends on how closely my perception of “who I am” matches my ideal of “who I think I ought to be.” The closer the two, the more comfortable I am with myself. However, when I base my image of “who I ought to be” on what other people expect rather than my own values, discomfort grows. When I let go of my concern with “what other people think” and focus on living my values, then I am comfortable with myself.
As I explore this idea of being comfortable with myself, I am reminded of wisdom I’ve learned from two UU ministers I respect very much: the ultimate requirement for effective ministry is to live an authentic life. Living an authentic life means accepting and celebrating my humanity and fallibility. It means facing the challenges of life rather than turning away. It means taking chances in my relationships with other people. It means having lots of questions as well as a few answers. Most of all, it means living every moment of an ordinary life in an extraordinary manner, rather than looking back after a lifetime of excitement and accomplishment, wondering “what did any of it mean?”
When I am comfortable with myself, I am living each extraordinary moment of an ordinary but authentic life.
posted by Greg at 12/10/2004 10:48:00 AM
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